Or a Potent Vietnamese Tobacco.. Tonight's Experience.. Smoking Hang Ga and walking. This is not for Amateurs. I don't know exactly what this stuff is or if there is something added to it. It has incredible, overwhelming power. It is strong and should not be smoked anyplace where there are obstructions to reaching an operational toilet or satisfactory whole which can be evacuatated into.
A white haired, striking featured, potent seeming man loaded a typical bamboo water bong for me when I was in Hanoi. His tobacco came in a special silver bag and was from Saigon I think. It was of even higher octane and led to me losing all facility to see or hold my body up and so I sagged toward the table in front of me. The fall wasn't far as we were sitting on some combination board/bucket improv bench. To be sure of the rush, in Hanoi, they pack the bowl full and smoke all in one long improbable pull.
I could not at the time come close to taking it that way. Of course the Vietnamese men around me took this as hilarious and various of them proceeded to instruct me at separate instances. They were excited to see me taking to their culture in this way and poured me copious glasses of Vang Dalat, the wine of the region. Though I couldn't pull the loaded bowl, I was treated as a honored guest for my earnest endeavor.
Ms Guerilla and I purchased some 30 bags of this stuff on our way out of the party at the beer hall (can't remember the proper title, but his is close). We were on our way to the Airport enroute to Fukuoka, Japan that hour and wanted to bring this wonder of Vietnam along.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Faculty of Seeing
I mention "Faculty of Seeing" in my previous post. In case clarification is needed; Faculty of Seeing refers to discernment. When one discerns one does not feel emotions. One sees without wanting or disliking or expecting or judging or even thinking. Most people do not have mastery of this skill. It is a skill and must be developed like any muscle. If one doesn't have the skill then one doesn't know what it is. This makes sense if you think about it. It's a state, it's not an intellectual idea. You can't understand the meaning of the word unless you do it.
Loving People | Leaving People
The marriage I've left behind was the result of confusion within a complex of excitement, change and desires as well as fears. Something I realized about the experience is that one ingredient of my confusion was something very beautiful though it led to some pain. I had reached a place of feeling love and compassion toward people in a way which I never had before. This was a product of my personal evolution which I had been nurturing much of my life. This expansion of my capacity to love happened at the same time in which I met SleepingGuru, whom I later married and have now separated from.
I felt love so much more deeply than I ever had and this led me to the assumption that she was somehow integral to that. This wasn't true and I realize that now. The truth is that I was never in love with her, but I loved her. I had no meter with which to tell the difference in my expanded state. That relationship taught me the difference and gave me a meter.
As I consider the action of karma here I see with new clarity. I am sad to have hurt SleepingGuru. As I reflect I see what is most crucial. The part of me that fears some cosmic retribution, or the onlookers who predict it would see that occur in my life if I did not learn the lesson. By seeing this in full clarity, looking directly into the mechanism, the lesson is fully integrated and the karma is broken.
I think this is interesting for people who come from the west to consider. We are deeply conditioned by guilt and punishment ideas in our culture. Karma is not punishment, it is action. When we have expanded beyond the level of the action, by encompassing all aspects, like being on both sides of a coin, there is a release. Or in other terms, the thing that makes a mess of people is continuing to do something, which creates inertia and causes the sorts of rebalancing phenomena that bring about more pain.
The universe has no need nor mechanism with which to cause pain once we stop doing the thing that hurts. Conversely, if a relationship ends and one person continues to labor in pain while the other is joyous then this is also a karmic lesson. (I do not know that SleepingGuru is in continuing pain or no) Understand that Joyousness is a divine spiritual state not an emotion. One who has acted without compassion must resolve this in order to be joyous. The one who is in pain is in a process of remanifesting the same painful experience. This pain is not a result of something that was done to them. The true karmic lesson is that this person is allowing their mind to use theirself, they are in fact asleep and dreaming. They are causing the pain which they are experiencing to theirself. When they take control of their mind, the pain will stop.
This pain cycle will be deepened and lengthened by blaming the partner for the pain. This is because the pain is not under their control once this happens. Then if other sleeping people tell the one who is suffering that they have been in some way wronged and encourage this blaming aspect, the whole problem becomes a kind of distributed agreement and reinforcement to continue to be in pain.
As I left the situation I asked myself how I got into the thing to begin with. This has been an incredible wellspring of wisdom and transformation for which I am deeply thankful. I am also Joyous. I feel I've had to take some huge risks which have delivered me into a life I had never imagined. I would not be who I am if I had not had that experience and I don't think those lessons could have been learned any other way. In retrospect I feel like we were handed a perfect package, custom made for us to learn everything we needed to become ourselves.
I don't know how SleepingGuru is processing things now. I know when we were together she lacked the skills to move through pain and work with herself in such a way. She had trouble loving herself and in discernment generally. From her notes to me I know that some of what I described above regarding "the partner in pain" was going on in her. This is her journey and what she must gather from what we did.
There are a lot of things that went on which people around us will never understand and probably couldn't until they've developed the faculty of seeing. I do not blame her. Part of the reason I have left and my life continues to expand in joy is that I don't use my energy in that way. I don't have it in my world. I thought about it as I was being blamed and realized that in fact I felt hurt, abused, manipulated, undermined; All sorts of blamable things. But I made a decision. I feel love, I am creating the most amazing life anyone has ever lived. I am ready for the world.
I felt love so much more deeply than I ever had and this led me to the assumption that she was somehow integral to that. This wasn't true and I realize that now. The truth is that I was never in love with her, but I loved her. I had no meter with which to tell the difference in my expanded state. That relationship taught me the difference and gave me a meter.
As I consider the action of karma here I see with new clarity. I am sad to have hurt SleepingGuru. As I reflect I see what is most crucial. The part of me that fears some cosmic retribution, or the onlookers who predict it would see that occur in my life if I did not learn the lesson. By seeing this in full clarity, looking directly into the mechanism, the lesson is fully integrated and the karma is broken.
I think this is interesting for people who come from the west to consider. We are deeply conditioned by guilt and punishment ideas in our culture. Karma is not punishment, it is action. When we have expanded beyond the level of the action, by encompassing all aspects, like being on both sides of a coin, there is a release. Or in other terms, the thing that makes a mess of people is continuing to do something, which creates inertia and causes the sorts of rebalancing phenomena that bring about more pain.
The universe has no need nor mechanism with which to cause pain once we stop doing the thing that hurts. Conversely, if a relationship ends and one person continues to labor in pain while the other is joyous then this is also a karmic lesson. (I do not know that SleepingGuru is in continuing pain or no) Understand that Joyousness is a divine spiritual state not an emotion. One who has acted without compassion must resolve this in order to be joyous. The one who is in pain is in a process of remanifesting the same painful experience. This pain is not a result of something that was done to them. The true karmic lesson is that this person is allowing their mind to use theirself, they are in fact asleep and dreaming. They are causing the pain which they are experiencing to theirself. When they take control of their mind, the pain will stop.
This pain cycle will be deepened and lengthened by blaming the partner for the pain. This is because the pain is not under their control once this happens. Then if other sleeping people tell the one who is suffering that they have been in some way wronged and encourage this blaming aspect, the whole problem becomes a kind of distributed agreement and reinforcement to continue to be in pain.
As I left the situation I asked myself how I got into the thing to begin with. This has been an incredible wellspring of wisdom and transformation for which I am deeply thankful. I am also Joyous. I feel I've had to take some huge risks which have delivered me into a life I had never imagined. I would not be who I am if I had not had that experience and I don't think those lessons could have been learned any other way. In retrospect I feel like we were handed a perfect package, custom made for us to learn everything we needed to become ourselves.
I don't know how SleepingGuru is processing things now. I know when we were together she lacked the skills to move through pain and work with herself in such a way. She had trouble loving herself and in discernment generally. From her notes to me I know that some of what I described above regarding "the partner in pain" was going on in her. This is her journey and what she must gather from what we did.
There are a lot of things that went on which people around us will never understand and probably couldn't until they've developed the faculty of seeing. I do not blame her. Part of the reason I have left and my life continues to expand in joy is that I don't use my energy in that way. I don't have it in my world. I thought about it as I was being blamed and realized that in fact I felt hurt, abused, manipulated, undermined; All sorts of blamable things. But I made a decision. I feel love, I am creating the most amazing life anyone has ever lived. I am ready for the world.
Karma and Love
As I listen to the discourse in my head with the various voices and opinions regarding my leaving behind my previous life I hear one that comes to ideas of karma. What my reflection yielded as I sat in silence is the following; Karma is not a mechanism, the function of which is to make us suffer. It is a flawless mechanism by which we can learn the truth of ourselves without any other instruction.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Sanguine: Varously described as very happy or bloodthirsty
I love it. Kampeki! If I had 17 yen I would go and get a Big Mac.
Starbucks, I swore I'd never speak to you again But I'm back with tail severed and inserted in my empty eye socket....
What the Fuck is going on?
I'm going to tell you. But FIRST!!!
Crumbling Empires! Burning Effigies! Rotting Corpses of financial institutions and their lackeys.. Any Direction is Misdirection. Nowhere is a place I've heard of but they say you can't get there from here! Curses! Screeching Invective! Inspiration and it's Loss! Now I relieve some pressure from my root so's I can give your ear a proper thrashing!
Getting Married, Getting Unmarried, Getting Remarried. I'm eating rice grown by nuclear disaster zone farmers. Being in perpetual on-the-road-ness puts one in a special frame of consciousness and gives a different set of concerns. The word is infected. Burn this message as soon as you read it. Burn this message before you read it. Too Late - Shikaku! Send money. Money won't mean much for much longer.. I'm a gypsy... so is this crazy Japanese lover. Now we just need to remember how to play all the wild-oold-world dance love and drinkin' songs.
Ysitta! but Her secret name - Prize and Penance. So perfect. Creative, beautiful, forceful, selfish, cruel, demanding, visionary, spirited... so nourishing. We make love twice a day. She asks me permission for things even though she's going to do what she wants anyway.. just giving me a chance for scorn.. for punishment or forgiveness.. Everything so different when there is this much passion driving everything. The dream manifesting. Go with the heart or just go.
Pressure building up slowly from underground. I think therefore you don't have to.. I recommend sending love letters to people you barely know. You can sign my name if you don't feel up to it. But I'm going to take the credit. I'll dress up like you when I show up at the grass and mud cottage on the hill where your lover was born. Get there first or I'll give'r the Guerilla Love - there's no going back!
Starbucks, I swore I'd never speak to you again But I'm back with tail severed and inserted in my empty eye socket....
What the Fuck is going on?
I'm going to tell you. But FIRST!!!
Crumbling Empires! Burning Effigies! Rotting Corpses of financial institutions and their lackeys.. Any Direction is Misdirection. Nowhere is a place I've heard of but they say you can't get there from here! Curses! Screeching Invective! Inspiration and it's Loss! Now I relieve some pressure from my root so's I can give your ear a proper thrashing!
Getting Married, Getting Unmarried, Getting Remarried. I'm eating rice grown by nuclear disaster zone farmers. Being in perpetual on-the-road-ness puts one in a special frame of consciousness and gives a different set of concerns. The word is infected. Burn this message as soon as you read it. Burn this message before you read it. Too Late - Shikaku! Send money. Money won't mean much for much longer.. I'm a gypsy... so is this crazy Japanese lover. Now we just need to remember how to play all the wild-oold-world dance love and drinkin' songs.
Ysitta! but Her secret name - Prize and Penance. So perfect. Creative, beautiful, forceful, selfish, cruel, demanding, visionary, spirited... so nourishing. We make love twice a day. She asks me permission for things even though she's going to do what she wants anyway.. just giving me a chance for scorn.. for punishment or forgiveness.. Everything so different when there is this much passion driving everything. The dream manifesting. Go with the heart or just go.
Pressure building up slowly from underground. I think therefore you don't have to.. I recommend sending love letters to people you barely know. You can sign my name if you don't feel up to it. But I'm going to take the credit. I'll dress up like you when I show up at the grass and mud cottage on the hill where your lover was born. Get there first or I'll give'r the Guerilla Love - there's no going back!
20 Yen short of a Big Mac
That's it. I want to eat a Big Mac in Hiroshima. I'm really only 17 Yen short.
Well.. yea it is possibly crazy
I'm sitting in my apartment in Hiroshima, Japan. It's really a vacant commercial space in the heart of the commercial district, the Hondori. This is a very precious bit of space, valued at some 300,000 yen per month, it is owned by the father of my Japanese fiance, Miss guerilla. It's empty as of now.. except myself and Miss Guerilla who, through her artifice and my disregard for people's opinions, have occupied and created an improviso kitchen and sleeping space via a borrowed tent and various camping gear which we were using on island beaches in September.
The father, Yukinobu... not impressed with me. We had a great time when I first arrived. Something happened which neither I, nor Ysitta are aware of. There are a lot of possibilities which I've given up on calculating. Tadashi, the gay, inarticulate, but concise 40 year old brother described my meeting with her father as, "It seemed like he found his other son". I'll find a way to bridge the gap. Making love to his daughter in a consistent, ongoing manner being part of the core of my plan. These sorts of things always work! It's simple though. Her family is crazy. Really. So I've stopped worrying about it. It will work, they don't have a choice and the will of Ysitta and I is volumetrically more powerful than that of her parents disgust, or any other detractors from the cause. And our likely half-Japanese child is sure to draw some relaxing of barriers.
I've been drinking a live ferment sake and wandering the city. I stopped through the Peace Park with a guitar and played under the bridge. This is an amazing spot where at night it is lit like a stage and the acoustics are fab. Another musician, young Japanese, stopped through and showed a fair amount of amazement at what I was singing and playing. So I was playing a little show under a bridge in Hiroshima. I love it. I also realize I have most of what I need to put my music career together. What is left is competent folks to write and play with. OK
I'll take my drunkish ass to the watering hole.
The father, Yukinobu... not impressed with me. We had a great time when I first arrived. Something happened which neither I, nor Ysitta are aware of. There are a lot of possibilities which I've given up on calculating. Tadashi, the gay, inarticulate, but concise 40 year old brother described my meeting with her father as, "It seemed like he found his other son". I'll find a way to bridge the gap. Making love to his daughter in a consistent, ongoing manner being part of the core of my plan. These sorts of things always work! It's simple though. Her family is crazy. Really. So I've stopped worrying about it. It will work, they don't have a choice and the will of Ysitta and I is volumetrically more powerful than that of her parents disgust, or any other detractors from the cause. And our likely half-Japanese child is sure to draw some relaxing of barriers.
I've been drinking a live ferment sake and wandering the city. I stopped through the Peace Park with a guitar and played under the bridge. This is an amazing spot where at night it is lit like a stage and the acoustics are fab. Another musician, young Japanese, stopped through and showed a fair amount of amazement at what I was singing and playing. So I was playing a little show under a bridge in Hiroshima. I love it. I also realize I have most of what I need to put my music career together. What is left is competent folks to write and play with. OK
I'll take my drunkish ass to the watering hole.
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